FINAL WONDERS : FROM THE DEATHBED

I wonder why I came from dark,
The peaceful state of rest, to stark
Condition of the mundane illusion,
Bizarre affairs of the unknown!

I wonder why I sprang up selfish
Surviving on societal service,
And why wisest myself I felt,
While, sans the wise, couldn't have dwelt!

I wonder why biases I made,
Why loved, why hated, why betray'd,
Why thought deathless in the deadly filth

Of snags and spoils from birth to death!

I wonder why I liked to poach,
Why craved, why preyed on to clutch
The things fleetingly existent;
My life being aptly an instant!

I wonder why I favoured some
Against others; made friends, foes some--
None being a comrade on arrival,
Or on retreat from the ephemeral!

I wonder why I made my soul
Cut off from the Absolute Whole
And corrupted the divine graces
Recklessly with carnal biases!

I wonder why I came a bubble --
Momentary a spark -- a fake soul,
And why I confronted the Creator,
In the frailty of a rotten creature!

I wonder why up I came bound,
Yet vainly drudged to get abound
Of riches and expand my base
In the vacuum of time and space!

I wonder why I laughed at others' pain;
As of mine, I cried again and again;
Why got violent over the matters
At peace was I with some others!

I wonder why I stifled the truth
Insolently with no rights and ruth,
Why I let go the chances on humanity,
If the laws could bring me immortality!

I wonder what a life I drew
While I knew not why the Creation grew,
Why shone the sun, why water flew,
Why birth, why death, and why winds blew!

To me no fact ere my death appears:
In which idea is cast the universe --
A sleeping subtleness, forever --
Where dreams are formed, then disappear?

Yet wonder I why I do dread
The loss of life, though fitful and weired;
Why heart does grieve and voice does yelp,
And why tears flow from the crying self !!!

                                                      -- N P SAMAL